Bc I give up.

Last Sunday at around 1130am in the morning, we lost another family member, after 6 years. We were ready for it, but still.. it was very very depressing. Considering the fact that too many things had happened in just these 11 months. I didn't get to see Late Mamu Nize before he passed away. Blame myself for falling asleep back after mummy woke us up to tell that he's already so sick in the morning.

But he is now in a better place. Let's all just pray for him. May his soul rest in peace. Amin.

Weekends were rather hectic for me. I was supposed to finish up my ICAs but.. ya. Daddy went off to Saudi on Saturday and we went shopping with Mummy afterwards. Went over to see Baby Danish at Mamat's. And then we went for last minute midnight movie. We caught Xmas Carol. And it was.... boreeeeng.

Yeah and Sunday. Was at Kalah Munah's house the whole day. Till around 1am plus. Went home, Laila and Neelu came over. Bla bla.. and I slept at 2am plus. School the next day.

ICAs are killing me. No wait, last minute work for ICA is killing me. I should buck up. I should stop fooling around already. I keep telling myself I will start to get serious.. But I haven't work on it... Yet. Shit me.

Presentation just now was shit. Presentation later... Im scared I'll screw up again. Pfffft.

Tsk. Okay im done here.

I love my girls. School will be shit without them.

K bye.

Actually, I change my mind.

I don't seem to know what's happening in your life anymore.

And I have no idea why.

& things are easier said than done. don't say youre gonna do it, if you're not gonna.

I hope Babyg was happy, really.

Okay so yesterday was bestf's bday surprise. It was a mini one, really really small one. Went to surprise her at her house, went over to Bedok Reservoir Park (we were suppose to go to Marina South Pier but birthday girl was tired after camp), chilled out till 9 plus. And off we went home. It was a short day though bc bestf was really really tired after her LTC yest. So yaaa..

By the way, I am still in school right now. Yes now at 9.01pm. Night classes are starting to drain me out seriously. Im really really tired alr. Almost 12 hours of school is hell, apart from being with the girls of course. But really.. Its tiring. Esp if your house is 500 million km away from your school (haha not that i have to take a public transport home cause my dad fetches me every Tuesday but stilllllll). Pfffffft.

K so moving on..

You! YES YOU, are the biggest asshole I've ever met my whole life. No wonder no girls could stand you. (btw, im not talking about someone who has an intimate r/s with me, its just someoneeeeee who pisses me off every second of my life) Seriously, I really pity the girl youre gonna be with in future. She's gonna have to put up with your nonsense every day of her life, put up with your harsh words every minute and she definitely have to tolerate your barbaric actions likeeee every second of her life.

One advice for you dude, grow up. Seriously, grow the fuck up. For all the times you were rude to me and my girls, I didn't take it seriously and infact I still treat you better that you deserve to be treated. Until that very day when you went over the top. Over the damn top, I am not kidding. Then I couldnt stand you anymore. And that was it. There and then, I broke off all ties with you. That's it. That was it. Dont ever, ever come and talk to me anymore. Cause I dont wish to.

- edited-

Okay I'm back home. And something creepy happened to me in class just now. SHIT OKAY. Youre sucha pervert. FUCKKKKK OFFFFFFF. Argh Im gonna die during the ICA presentation next week. I will be super insecure and paranoid and what not. Really really, I am easily distracted like that. TSK.

HOWWWWWWWWWWWWW?

Dearest bestf,

Happy 17th Birthday! This is it, your sweet seventeen. I apologise if this isn’t your bestest birthday, but i’m gonna try making it memorable enough okay? Heehee. Firstly, lemme congratulate you for surviving 17th years of life. May you be bless with all the happiness, wealth, health, love, care and concern in the world and may you always be happy, always smiling and always be laughing in years to come.

Thank you for being the bestest best friend I’ve ever had my whole entire life. Thank you for all the times you were there to pick me up when I fall. Thank you for every smile you put on my face. Thank you for the times you made me laugh and cheering me up when I was at my lowest. Thank you for waking up in the wee hours just to entertain my nonsense. Thank you for waking up in the wee hours again, this time to just cheer me up when I was crying like a pussy. Thank you for meeting me way early in the morning just cause I needed a hug from you after a whole lot of shit that happened to me. Thank you for being there when everyone else walked out on me. Thank you for being there when I was at the worst stage of my life. Thank you for being the only soul who understands me the most. Thank you for everything. Thank you for just being the best. Thank you for being You.

Remember, just like how you’ve always been there for me, I will always always be here too no matter what happens. Even though I hate the fact that we have to be so far apart nowadays, I still believe you’re the only soul that I can easily confide in. I don’t know what I’d do in life without you, seriously. These 5 years has been the best years of my life so far. Thank you for always believing in me.

Now, I am glad we’re still standing strong. We are still going through this together as bestfriends even though its not easy. Not easy to not see each other everyday anymore. Not easy to not be physically close anymore. But I like it that I am still the number one person that comes to your mind when you want to confide in someone, and I like it that you are the first person that I tell every single little thing to. I like how close we are. I have never had a friendship like this before. And I think no one understands this closeness. No, its not lesbian love. It’s just the love I have for my bestfriend. And it’s so strong that nothing, nothing will be able to stop it.

I will always be here for you bestf. Always, no matter what. Even when everyone else walks out on you, I’ll still be here by your side. Trust me, I will never walk out on you. Never.

Happy 17th Birthday, Nur Huwaina.

I love you so much. No no, seriously, from the bottom of my heart,

I love you.

(The rest shall be written in your birthday letter. Too personal :D)

I was having a long conversation with my longlost bestfriend, Rre (omg I miss her so much and finally we're meeting next Weds ♥) and she really really opened my eyes with all of her encouraging and inspiring words. This is why I really love to talk to her. She's known me since I was 10 and she probably knows me so well and understands what is best for me. (That is besides family and Waina bby of course) I am so glad we haven't lost contact and even though we havent talk for soooo long, that one concersation really make me realise how close we have been. It's a really nice feeling.

"everyone can be a soccer player, but not everyone can be a good match for you"

"dont give up lah. no matter how hard or how painful, get back on your feet. ariff taught me tt. hahahha. you cant possibly just mourn over the loss or pain."

and the most most inspiring, that got me thinking real hard till i cried on the spot.

"dont latch on what are used to be( s). dont make your self-pity f him stop you fr moving on. its his fault he couldnt appreciate you. build up your confidence by saying this which are all true. 'i am the BEST thing that ever happened to you. i was there when your life was at the bottomest pit. you saw d light. (hahahaha) and prayed but if drinking and everything is what u think is best and you think this is guiding you correctly. then go, let me let you go' "

Oh my goodness. She havent met me for so long. So damn long you can't even imagine how long. And she still know the best words to say to me.The exact same words that I want to hear. Thanks alot Rre <3 I miss you and Shakila alot. Weds okay ♥

Really, idk what I'd do without my family & friends. Babygirl, Crayons, my girls in school. They are just the awesomest. & I am so glad. So so glad.

Toodles for now.

OMG RRE LOOK AT US LAST TIME. HAHAAHAHHA. (MARY DONT LAUGH) I STILL KEEP OKAY

OKAY I CANT WAIT FOR WEDNESDAY NOW.